I'm angry, disgusted and sad. I’m sick to death of reading yet another story of an innocent girl/woman having a piece of her taken away that she’ll NEVER get back. I’m sick of the mentality that SURELY she must’ve done something to encourage the "man" to violate her. She had to have been dressed provocatively, she must have been a “flirt” or a “tease”. Obviously just her existence was enough of a reason- she must have “wanted it”. Maybe she wore a little too much make up, maybe her skirt was just a little too short; her clothes just a little too tight. Maybe she kissed him, so that’s clearly permission. Maybe “her lips said no, but her eyes said yes”. Of all the possible sickening scenarios; one that an amazingly strong woman recently posted about (the same one I’ve personally experienced, a close loved one has experienced, and countless other women I know) the one that absolutely gut punches me every time I hear/read about it is the one in which the girl/woman is asleep and wakes up to an assault. In almost every case she’s terrified and has no idea what to do and often she pretends to still be asleep. What in the world could a sleeping female possibly be doing to make any “man” feel like this is acceptable in any way?!?!
Here’s an idea - MAYBE, just maybe, we should STOP victim shaming and blaming and start holding these men more accountable for not being able to “control themselves”. Do you know how many women who’ve been sexually assaulted truly come forward? Very very very few. Why would we? No one believes us and if they do, there had to have been some reason to excuse the inexcusable. Sit down, be quiet, don’t talk about it or it will just cause more problems and you’ll be scrutinized in ways you never dreamed possible - further victimize and traumatize. It wasn’t “that big of a deal”, so “just forget it and move on”. I don’t know a single girl/woman who has been a victim of a sexual assault that has “just moved on”, who wasn’t deeply scarred and marked for the rest of her life, Who doesn’t feel shame and guilt. No, not all of us live as “victims” the rest of our lives, but it’s always a part of us. Always. We don’t forget. It affects our future relationships, it affects how we parent our children. The numbers according to RAINN show that:
94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during the two weeks following the rape.
30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape.
33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.
13% of women who are raped attempt suicide.
Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.
Parents, we have a duty to talk to our children. We need to be having uncomfortable discussions. We need to prepare our daughters for what to do if the unthinkable happens to them. These statistics from the CDC are horrifying and yet we don't talk about it nearly enough. "Nearly 1 in 5 women have experienced completed or attempted rape during her lifetime. 1 in 3 female rape victims experienced it for the first time between 11-17 years old. 1 in 8 female rape victims reported that it occurred before age 10." We have to do better. We need to talk to our sons about the importance of consent and respecting women's boundaries.
If you are a victim of sexual assault, please know you are not alone! Reach out to a trusted friend or family member. Visit hotline.rainn.org for online support, or call 800-656-HOPE. These options allow you to remain anonymous while receiving the help and resources you need. Also, please feel free to message me any time. Always remember, what happened is not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't deserve what was done to you.
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